No One Ever Says…

“I want people to feel unwelcome and like they can’t sit down anywhere.”

I think about ridiculous statements like these all of the time to make myself laugh, especially when I’m sharing a “Before & After” on my blog and I’m describing what my clients wanted for their homes or when I’m reading a magazine article that describes what the people wanted out of their home.  Of course, what people are attempting to create in a home is always thought of positive and they carefully analyze and describe how they want a home to feel.  Each adjective has real meaning and a connotation.  But a fun game I play in my head is to :

1) Say the opposite of what people want.
or
2) Say a less positive way or more direct way of what someone actually wants.
or
3)Reverse husband-wife statements

So, since it’s Friday, I thought I’d share some of my favorites with you.  So, whichever way you think of these statements (opposite statements or direct versions or husband-wife reversals) I hope you enjoy!!
Here goes:

No one ever says……

“I want my home to feel outdated and contrived.”

“Oh please!  Make my house feel like a brand new house in America that’s trying to look like it’s a house in Tuscany by putting pictures of Tuscany and rolling Italian fields all over it!!  Don’t forget the Tuscan dish cloths and the dusty olive oil jars in the kitchen!!  Perhaps a large Tuscan scene in my kitchen backsplash above the range??”  (And I know this one so well because I once wanted this for myself.  hee hee)

“I’ve got it!  Let’s add some completely inappropriate Corinthian columns to the inside of our house!!”

“I want to break the bank.”

“I’d love my house to look like it was decorated in a day!”

“I want it to be matchy-matchy.”

“Oh I know… even though that brick fireplace is hideous and is ruining my living room, it’s just wrong to paint brick so we won’t be doing anything about the elephant in the room.  But please, make the room beautiful. Thanks.”

“I want to feel depressed when I come home.  I like things disorganized and I don’t want a place for everything.”

“I’d like my living room to look just like a page from a catalog, or a decorator show house.”

“I want it to look like we have money.”

“I want my home to feel unnatural with no absolutely connection to the outdoors.”

“I don’t need my home to be practical or functional, as long as it’s beautiful.”

“I dislike natural wood.  Please paint it all.”

“I despise extra storage.”

“I want my home to feel really jarring and I don’t want anything to flow.”

“I have things in here that I absolutely hate but I’m going to build an entire home around these items.”

“I want it to look like a museum and I want my friends and family to be afraid to touch anything.” Image here

“I want the study to feel claustrophobic, cluttered and a bit manic.” OR “I plan on redecorating the office and then continuing my hoarding behaviors from a clean slate.” image here

“Please, make my home feel sterile and cold.”

“I was going for ‘formal’ ‘uptight’ and ‘bland’ when I decorated my home.”

“I love builder grade fixtures, especially anything with shiny builder brass.”

“Accents walls are so chic.”

“I hate color, and I want my home to reflect that.”

“I’d rather not use an interesting mix of periods and styles.  I prefer it to look as if I simply bought everything at one time.”

“I don’t care if the sofa is comfortable, as long as it looks good.”

I could probably go on for hours…  this might be my new game to play on road trips.

How do you want your home to feel and how do you “say it?”  Does saying the negative version of that sentence make you laugh?? Or the direct version?   Can you reverse the things you & your partner say?  I’d love to hear some of yours!! Leave a comment if you’ve got a good one!!

Have a great weekend & I’ll be busy “shopping for ridiculously quirky objects so that my home is sure to look meaningful and personal.  The things I find will really show the world that I love the earth and who I am deep down.” 😉 😉