Our magnolia trees are blooming & smell like Heaven

 

I hope you’re all doing okay. Thinking of all of you and praying you stay safe. My heart goes out to those who are sick and fighting for their lives… and to those who have lost loved ones to coronaviris. I can’t imagine the pain they’re in right now. I’m not sure if you’ve read anything about it but it sounds like a nightmare for those with strong cases of it. My aunt’s sister in Italy (who’s in her 60s) has it but, thankfully, has been able to stay out of the hospital and seems to be improving each day at home.

I vacillate daily between sadness, worry, thankfulness, and guilt. I’m so thankful most of my family is safe for the time being, but am so worried about people like my grandparents (who are upper 80s/ 90s and will NOT STOP GROCERY SHOPPING FOR THEMSELVES NO MATTER WHAT WE SAY OR DO) and my little sister who has asthma. I was reading about how much higher instances of domestic abuse are right now and I’m worried and heartbroken for all of the people who are stuck at home with abusers… kids who never want to leave school because going home is worse and women who are assaulted by their significant others. The economy and what the lack of income is doing to everyone… it’s heartbreaking. We’ve lost some work and have a flip house going on the market which is possibly the worst timing ever, but even so will probably be okay and I can’t fully shake the guilt for “being okay” when so many others aren’t okay.

Yesterday was one of the first days we actually got into a groove/ schedule over here and the kids were a bit more independent, and I was able to focus and really plow through some work. It feels so strange to be picking out light fixtures and fabrics while all of this is going on – it feels almost callous in a way- but it’s how we make our living. It’s how life goes on -in a way- for us.

I’m blown away by the kindness of strangers and by the “acts of love” stories I’ve been reading about- like the man who serenaded his wife outside of her nursing home on her birthday because he wasn’t allowed in, the 20-something’s who are grocery shopping for the elderly, and the people leaving “care packages” filled with hand sanitizer and toilet paper for the delivery people dropping of packages to their homes. I need to figure out how to help- though we don’t have the supplies- lol the TP situation is about to get real over here.

I feel so thankful to be having moments to think, be with my kids, and do things slower -which I feel like didn’t used to happen very much- but hate that these are the circumstances in which I’m finding some small joys.

The magnolia tree right outside our goose pen is in full bloom right now. It’s one of those little joys for me that I’m finding I sort of have to focus on or I’ll feel overwhelmed with sadness.

Life is so painful and beautiful all at once.

Sending love to you and stay safe.

Xoxo